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NB – job and pregnancy case you pay after success

Every now and then some delightful contribution crosses my path to provide relief from the usual weekly tedium of reading umpteen reports, just to make a meaningful contribution to the local discourse.
Such an event actually crossed my windscreen, not my desk, but it gave me such a spectacular shot of whatever body chemical it is that laughter releases, that I felt compelled to share the uplifting experience with our regular readers.
Getting into my famous bakkie one evening, I found a small printed notice stuck under the windscreen wiper. Now, usually these brief notices get transported manually to the back of my bakkie, rolled into a tight ball, that I then later transfer to a designated garbage collection facility. But while retrieving the said pamphlet, I noticed the second line: “If you want to get marriage.” That simple question with its doubtful grammar let to a mental response of “Sure, why not. How many can I get – and what must I do to get marriage? Then I took a closer look at the rest of the services offered.
It turns out, the small note was prepared and issued by one Dr Hassan. He advertises “new amatree” herbal remedies for all sorts of complaints and aspirations. The entertainment value soared as I read further.
In addition to getting marriage, clients can also choose to buy remedies for body pains, problems with womb, virginal discharge, penis enlargement, pressure high & low, sexually transmitted diseases, people with HIV/AIDS, abnormal sweating, sagar diabetes, feelings for sex, control ejaculation, power for weak pennies, long periods, etc.(All ails are recited here verbatim)
But it does not stop there. Same Dr Hassan also offers remedies to (hold onto your chair):
Bring back lost lover, remove bad luck, make love to be strong, get married to your partner, make marriage stable, excel in school, lucky charms, separating lovers, [find out if] he or she is seeing another man or women, and finally, to help bewitched people. Some of the more delightful afflictions listed on the back of the sheet cover items like “Can’t see periods”, luck, promotion at work, protection house * cars, business attraction / more customers, court cases you need to win bewitched, to win lotto & casino, and finally there is also a herb for people who can not give birth (again, all verbatim).
After several minutes of thunderous laughter, I eventually managed to gather myself and to reflect a bit more incisively on the exact nature this quack is offering me. With my analytical mind back where it belongs, it dawned on me that despite the fact that the note can be construed as fraud, it actually says far more about the targeted clientèle (us) than what it says about Dr Hassan’s practice.
If a foreigner out there on the streets really believes we are so gullible that we will pay money to get a remedy to change the outcome of a court case, it is a sad reflection of his appraisal of our intellectual ability. This dear doctor will not have gone to the trouble of printing a pamphlet, having it distributed and listing a telephone number where he can be contacted, if he were not convinced he will find a ready market for his bogus cures among the thousand of desperate people who may just be willing to pay for this nonsense.
So, the note actually implies that we, in general, are a bunch of stupid nitwits and that we still believe in some form of black magic or at least, harbour very strong sentiments for an animist view of our own existence.
The fact that his claims are fraud, is incidental. From a legal point of view, it only becomes fraud after he has accepted someone’s money and handed over a portion of the wonder herbs. He may be charged for misrepresentation but that will be hard to prove in a court of law. Ultimately, he can claim that he has offered a bone fide service and that it is up to the customer to decide to use his quack remedies or not. In his defence, I have to state that his note carries a short disclaimer: “N.B. job and pregnancy case you pay after success,” not mentioning what legal recourse is available if you still lose the court case despite handfuls of the wonder drug.
Unfortunately, I can note another conclusion, that Dr Hassan does not have a very high regard for us. He publicly offers a service that can only be considered as an option by the most delusional and deranged individuals. If his remedies contained some remote chance of offering a plausible solution, I simply may have ignored it. But it so blatantly flies in the face of all common sense and decency, that it made me wonder what despicable quality the good doctor observes in us, so that he thinks he can easily con us out of a few bucks.
Oh, and don’t miss the fact that you have to pay N$50 for a consultation.

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