This week in the Khuta – Ladies! Let’s be NICE

Last week I got into a heated debate with a male friend about trust, women and relationships. His argument was that women have been behind every great man’s downfall. He went on to give examples and said “look at Adam and Eve, Samson and Delilah, King David of the Bible, Bill Clinton.
His list went on and on and yes he may be right, behind every great man is a woman plotting or waiting for his downfall. But things have changed now, and the women seem to have ganged up against their own kind. This realisation came to me as I was walking from work with my colleagues. As we were crossing the road, a lady drove past us in a Maserati and we all reacted in the same way and scornfully said “Hmm it’s not hers, she is probably sleeping with  the owner of the car. She surely cannot afford to drive that”. One of my colleagues added to our sentiments saying “look at her she can’t even drive to save her life, did you see how she was hanging on to the steering wheel”. Yes, we ladies have turned the tables and are working so hard to put our fellow sister’s down and most of us don’t even realise it.
I’m sure you will all agree that the odds were heavily stacked against women in the past, and  still are in some cases. It is hard to make it in male-dominated work places where women are still fighting for equal pay for equal work. Instead of helping one another climb up the ladder we are there judging each other’s clothes, hair and lifestyles. Year after year we are celebrated as women and yet we fail to celebrate one another’s achievements.
I think it is because we tend to emulate what we fear the most, the fear of failure, of lagging behind when others are moving up even when we are working so hard and yet our sisters who are not working as hard as us, are getting the cream. We live in a society where ladies scrutinise their fellow ladies’ problems and lay them out on the table for everyone to see. Why don’t we put our own financial problems, extra-marital affairs and other dirty laundry out in the open? We judge and yet we don’t know that person’s history and we are so adamant on ruining their present and future. Instead of teaching self-acceptance and self-love we teach self-hate.
Two weeks ago I attended a women’s business breakfast and the speaker gave a very good presentation on relationships in the workplace and outside the workplace. She emphasized  the importance of being there for others, not being judgmental and having the ability to be selfless in all aspects of life. She gave me a whole new perspective on what a woman is. Now I know that a woman is someone who believes in sharing power with others and not over others; a woman is someone who can give when she has nothing; someone who knows how to love because she loves who she is first. These cruel statements that we say about one another work to create the judgmental framework from which ourselves can also not escape.
We cannot expect to be treated fairly by our male counterparts if we are hating on our own and throwing stones at each other’s glass houses.
I say, each one of us should be a woman that helps push the other women up the ladder. Instead of making unsightly remarks about one another lets encourage one another not only to be a better person, mother, girlfriend, wife and sister but most importantly lets help inspire each other as women to take pride in who we are as strong phenomenal women and not only celebrate one another every August but in every month of the year.
I have also learned to associate with people that are positive about life. In my mind, negative people repel while positive individuals attract. There are two ways of spreading light, you either have to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it.