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Offbeat – 24 May 2013



If importing kangaroo meat to Africa is what it takes to keep the price of droewors down, then that is obviously the way to go. At least for now.

Unfortunately Rolf Harris has been linked to alleged child abuse, which means I can’t trust him until the matter has been cleared up. If it were otherwise, I would have spent the last few weeks walking around with the song ‘Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport’ in my head and on my lips. Guilty or not, there is a black upwelling in me, whenever I think about that sort of thing.
The reason the temptation shows up is because kangaroo meat has shown up in some or other brand of the spicy dried sausage, droewors, that I assiduously avoid buying because it is expensive and fattening. I’m not a huge fan of either of the two qualities in anything and, anyway, when I have a bit of spare cash, I’d rather use it to get fat from drinking a couple of beers.
The kangaroo story was met not with shock or disgust, rather amusement. My own immediate thought was how do they manage to get hold of the kangaroo meat? My second question to myself was, if I could get hold of the stuff, how would I prepare it? A quick search on Google showed a result for a strawberry glaze. That seems a fairly amusing and appropriately light-hearted approach, given that it is meat that used to bounce. Apparently it also works in wraps, and there was a picture of a pizza as well. I didn’t click the links but took note.
Perhaps, one day, I will come across a package of the stuff, maybe with a pretty little sticker, and maybe some bouncy little toy attached, to induce me to buy it. I’d put it in the trolley like a shot. If it is cheap enough to use in budget droewors, I’m sure it would be cheap enough for the freezer.
I know that is probably tasteless and insensitive to kangaroos, who would probably be happier alive, but that’s the way my mind rolls, and it goes with the territory of being Namibian. After all, ‘meat is meat and a man must eat’, as long as it is not bipedal and doesn’t have more than six or eight legs.
I haven’t been eating much red meat lately. It’s been fish and chicken mostly, all of which can be had very inexpensively, if you know where to buy the stuff, and are willing to call a store manager and complain that the fish fridges are getting a bit barren and you have now had enough of snoek and all the bones in it.
Meat is getting expensive, now with all the drought. Usually it gets cheaper when the hunting season is on the go, but drought means that farmers need money, even if the oryx and springboks are so scrawny you can count their ribs from fifty meters without putting on your glasses.
There are other reasons to stay away from red meat.
From my point of view there is nothing better than to fall asleep after a huge meat meal. It’s heavy on the digestive system and sleep helps things along. However drowsiness is also a reason to stay away from it. Who has the time to sleep now, when there is so much that wants to be done as soon as possible.
The main issue which plays on my mind is the amount of water that goes into producing a beef stew or a chop. Apparently it’s enough to do a good few washes in a washing machine. Given a choice between using a washing machine and eating meat, I’d go vegetarian without too much whining.
And that, apparently, is the point we are reaching. Humanity is chowing down like a swarm of locusts on a mielie field and leaving very little over for seconds. Now that everyone is getting used to the evil capitalists and poverty stricken European countries, the food crisis thing is on its way back into the headlines, and the experts are advocating gourmet insects once more.
Humanity isn’t buying it yet. If importing kangaroo meat to Africa is what it takes to keep the price of droewors down, then that is obviously the way to go. At least for now.
The whole incident feels a bit like a practice run for the future. Don’t make too much of a fuss or we might end up with mopane worm in our sausage. Actually that’s not such a far-fetched idea. Just wait till the Australians start putting a premium on their own kangaroo chops.

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