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This Week In The Khuta – Abused women “love” their abusers

We have read and written about the issue of violence against women so often, one would think that it has reached home but it only seems to get worse over time.
Last week, we celebrated International Women’s Day and I was one of the few journalists who were  invited by the United Nations to visit a safe house for abused women. And If I knew what awaited me on my arrival there, I would have kindly declined the invite.
I have dubbed 08 March 2013, one of the most emotional days of my life. At the safe house, I met Mina (not her real name), a young mother who suffered abuse at the hands of her ex boyfriend for almost 4 years. Although she has been free from her abuser for a few months now, Mina was still visibly shaken as she related her ordeal to us.
As I was listening to her story of how she suffered abused at the hands of a man, she claims to still love, I was overcome by so much emotion. I could not believe that this woman suffered so much but still she stayed with this person all these years because she thought she could “help” him and because she loved him.
I was standing there with tears in my eyes, whilst this woman was telling us that she loved the man, who treated her like a dog, who kept a diary of her every move, who once drove her out of town after beating her, almost ran her over and told her to walk back home in the middle of the night. How can she say she still love him after everything he has done to her?. Mina felt it was her fault and that she was doing something wrong, that is why her boyfriend was beating her.
That is when it hit me, there are many women, who feel that their abuser needs them and that they are the only ones who can help them. After 4 years in that abusive relationship, Mina’s boyfriend committed suicide after she finally got the courage to go to the police.
But not every woman is as lucky as Mina, many end up being victims of what is now known as passion killing in Namibia. A question to who ever decided to call the murder of a woman by her lover “passion killing”, what is so passionate about a person killing another person? Why are we beautifying such a horrible crime?
If you are reading this right now and you are in an abusive relationship, I am saying this again, love is not supposed to hurt. Leave your abuser.
As a woman, you know how you want to be treated and if your boyfriend or husband is not treating you like the queen you are, you are not supposed to be with him. Ladies, there is nothing sexy about a man who is jealous, over controlling and unpredictable, he is a ticking time bomb. If he has not lifted his hand for you yet, he will and very soon.
My dearest fellow ladies, Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. And most importantly, Love does not abuse.
Respect yourself enough to know that someone who abuses you does not deserve you, contact the police, get a restraining order, walk away and never look back. You deserve better than a black eye and bruises every now and then.

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