It is that time of the year again when I just wish the holidays would come already, I am running on empty. My body is tired, my brain is tired plus my spirit is tired. I don’t know how I am still pushing on, but it has to be done.
One thing that irritates me the most about this, is that I am suffering from insomnia, therefore I hardly get the sleep that I need for the body to be well rested. Sometimes I find myself switching off when people talk to me. I nod, smile and make the right noises to seem like I am listening, but I hear nothing they would have said and I don’t think what I have just been told is important as I just assume it is just chit-chat and am not bothered to ask you to repeat yourself. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying I don’t listen all the time. Because I am an introvert most of the communication I make with people, I am likely to be the listener. But I am tired now, I have been listening to good and bad news for seven months now with out complaining. ‘Ek is moeg’. I just want to sit in silence and listen to myself and tell my body and brain not to give up on me. Not yet, we still have four months to go. But I hope most of you are not feeling like me. I hope you are still full of energy and waking up each morning to conquer what the day has in store for you. Do not get me wrong I love my job, I love my life (it can get better), I love my friends and family, but sometimes I just want to switch off, and this is the time of the year that I want to do that. I admire those who still have the energy, but I have this feeling that some of the people in Windhoek also feel the same. The people I call to get information from are either not answering their phones, or are on leave or simply are constantly out of the office. Are you guys also running on empty? People come on lets do this, we are almost at the end of the year, then we can rejuvenate and start fresh next year and do it again. But I am consoling myself with the fact that if this ‘running on empty’ does not stop my heart I will get stronger, hopefully. I feel like a 60 year old woman, in fact a 60 year old woman probably feels better than me. And please do not advise me to take vitamins, exercise, meditate or talk to someone, I will fix this all on my own. I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep for a year. Will that be fine with you all? This is the time I wish I was a reptile, just to hibernate and get over myself. Maybe I am complaining to much, but I just had to, because ‘ek is moeg’, and I can’t complain to anybody else, I just had to tell all of you that I am running on empty. But don’t worry, hopefully I will recharge myself this weekend and feel rejuvenated – I doubt it. But it is to carry on friends, no matter how you feel, get up put on the best smile on your face and go get what is yours in this world. Even though you feel like ‘crap’. It will get better at the end of the day. But this does not change the fact that I want to hibernate and not see or talk to people for a while. How much is a ticket to Alaska?