Whats love got to do with it?
After reading about a 40 year old American kindergarten teacher, Yasmin Eleby, whom, after several years of being alone decided to marry herself on her 40th birthday, I questioned the “I am searching for love and waiting for love to find me” notion.
I have racked my brain in the hope of finding if her way of thinking makes sense but failed to find any sense in one marrying herself. Allow me to be a bit harsh and somewhat critical, lets say two months from now, Miss or Mrs Eleby (not sure how to address her) finds love and starts dating, will she be cheating on herself?
And if that relationship develops and they decide to get married, will she have to divorce herself first? Yes there are so many confusing questions in my head. Will she fill in her name on the spouse’s space on a form? Goodness me! Will this woman tell her children that she is both their mother and father if she decides to adopt children? Sigh! All these questions are like ringing alarms in my head giving me such a migraine.
Now some of you might ask why I am bothered by this woman’s act of love for herself, others will call me names and say I just don’t understand how things work in America. Hello! America is on planet earth and last time I checked on earth we marry fellow men and women and not ourselves no matter how desperate our situation gets.
I am so sorry but this does not in the least make any sense to me, so is this woman sentencing herself to a lifetime of masturbation? In her defence she said she is celebrating self love and respect, yes that may be how she feels but this does not stop her from seeming desperate and so HOPELESS, oh yes she is hopeless. She has lost all hope in finding that one person to spend the rest of her life with and even in her faith in God. The bible says not to judge in order not to be judged but please do allow me to be the judge and jury on this one, this act is just crazy.
Does what she did even qualify to be called a marriage? Again I will refer to the signing of documentation, is it just her name on the dotted lines of the marriage certificate? Others may call this an act of bravery, others may admire her strength but it still does not make any sense or make it right, because at the end of the day she is insulting the sanctity of marriage and the one who created it.
She says she is so happy but anyone with logic will agree with me when I say our dear sister is still lonely as ever despite being married to herself. In my opinion she gave up too soon, it seems she was so obsessed with the idea of marriage that she woke up one day, bought a dress, some flowers, invited friends and families and said, ‘I am marrying myself.’
My advice to this troubled soul is to stop searching for Mr right in all the wrong places and practise a little patience. She must not let something this ridiculous turn her into something she is not, because I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she is not insane so why subject herself to a lifetime of sleeping alone? Of not having someone to share her thoughts with and just to hold her tight. Is she going to hug herself throughout her life when there is a possible hunky man to wrap her in his strong arms?
I may be African but that does not mean that my way of reasoning is different from those in America, nothing can make this seem any logical, this is just another case of frustration turning into acceptance and extreme low self esteem.
My final words to Miss/Mrs Eleby are, please divorce yourself, Mr right is still searching for you, it is never too late to find love even if you are 90 love knows no bounds.